The car accident was not the fault of old Glen Lang. Somebody left the handbrake off their delivery truck, and it rolled down Nob Hill, across the stop sign, and right at the driver’s side of Glen’s little auto. He saw it coming, and the first thing that crossed Glen’s careful mind was not his own safety. He thought, instead, of whether or not he was to blame, which of course he wasn’t, but he didn’t have time to resolve that before his car was lifted in the air and whisked to safety on the other side of the intersection.
And, before Glen even had time to realize that he had been saved, Wonder Woman jumped into his car! “Let’s go,” she said, and Glen obediently eased the car slowly forward. This was going to take a few minutes to assimilate.
Eventually, though, Glen had the presence of mind to peep hesitantly over at the strangely clad but very real woman in the front seat of his car. She was, indeed, Wonder Woman, complete with the red boots, the boomerang tiara, and the glowing magic lasso at her side. Or, he decided, she might not be the real Wonder Woman, but she was certainly Gal Gadot, the Israeli actress who played Wonder Woman in movies.
Gal Gadot, Glen had realized in the movie theater, was perfection. She didn’t just look like Wonder Woman, she looked like the best woman that God ever made. She was the penultimate wish of every man, perfection. What she would be doing in an old man’s ancient automobile was more than he could figure out.
It crossed his mind, of course, to ask her. But years of cautious living had taught Glen that questioning a good thing was unlikely to help anything and might hurt. So he just drove.
“I was on my way home,” he said tentatively.
Gadot smiled broadly and looked right at him, right at Glen!
He must have blushed. He hoped he hadn’t, but he knew he probably had. He examined the road ahead scrupulously, paid full attention to his driving, kept his face toward the road, and kept driving.
What should he do next? He tried to keep his thoughts concealed while he figured out the next course of action. But what was it?
The thought of politely asking Wonder Woman where she wanted to be dropped off was, of course, the first idea. But on further consideration, he thought it might sound foolish. After all, if she was Wonder Woman she could call her invisible aircraft any time and go anywhere she wanted, so why would she need Glen for a chauffeur? If she wasn’t really Wonder Woman, but was actually Gal Gadot, then she could surely have a limousine pick her up anywhere. So asking her where she wanted to be dropped off was surely superfluous and might only make him, Glen, look like a silly chatterbox, just talking to hear himself talk.
As he had already told Gal Gadot that he was driving home, and as she had not given him further direct instructions, that’s where he drove.
As he pulled into the driveway, he wondered what protocol was in order next. Should he run around to open the door for her — surely a silly thing to do for a woman who could not only open a door but lift an entire car — or should he just sit there and wait for instructions — “and look dumb,” he thought. Besides, do younger people open doors for each other? It also occurred to him to just sit there in the driveway, which would, also, he thought, look dumb.
No other course of action availing itself, Glen decided to just get out of the car. By then, she had already solved all the protocol problems by opening her own door and getting out of the car first. Then she waited, again smiling magnificently and looking right directly at old Glen Lang.
Anybody else, Glen realized, might have lost their cool. But he was resolved. He walked to the door and held it open for whoever it was, either the most beautiful actress ever in a movie or an actual goddess. She walked right in.
Like anybody else, Glen then glanced around to see if there was anything amiss in his little place. Of course there wasn’t. He wasn’t rich, but he wasn’t a slob, either. At the same time, the little house was, he admitted, rather humble for such a guest. He wondered if it smelled like old people?
Nothing seemed to bother Gal Gadot about the place. “I’ve gotta get these boots off,” she smiled, “Do you mind?” And before Glen had the presence of mind to answer, she was sitting on his little sofa and pulling her wondrous boots off her wondrous feet.
“Would you care for a-a, a glass of water?” he asked. He hated that he had stammered, and he was embarrassed to realize that he was almost positive that he was blushing again.
“Not just yet,” she said as she stood up on her incredible bare feet and then — completely to Glen’s shock — placed her hand on his forearm. “Why don’t you show me around first?” Her irresistible smile weakened Glen’s knees. He tried to not, but he looked down at her hand. He had never seen such a beautiful hand. He had never noticed such perfectly manicured nails. Such skin coloring, such smoothness, such a lack of pores or unsightly hair! How much time had passed?
And, it seemed to Glen, that she was standing closer than any woman had stood near Glen in decades. He thought he could smell her and even feel the radiation of her body heat. He strained his hopes that he wasn’t going to embarrass himself in front of her, but he was almost positive that he would. And then something even worse began to present itself to the squirming self-consciousness of Glen Lang.
He felt a stirring in his pants.
“Uh,” Glen’s voice seemed to have dropped a couple of octaves and was almost a grunt when he finally responded, “Yes.”
He led Gal Gadot through the narrow kitchen. He pointed out the bathroom with just the slightest hope that a rest stop was what the goddess might want — but she didn’t respond — and then found himself hesitating in front of the open bedroom door. Then he entirely ran out of the ability to think, and just stood there immobile.
The gorgeous hand of Wonder Woman herself pushed Glen Lang gently inside. Then it slithered down his back and, to his utter disbelief, slightly squeezed his buttock! For the first time, Glen stopped worrying that he would faint and started hoping that he would!
Wonder Woman then took over completely. First she undressed Glen, then herself. The breastplate came off and revealed, as he would have thought if he could have thought at all, that Gal Gadot was even more perfect without her costume than with it. Glen cowered. Gadot glowed!
Glen Lang was amazed with Gal Gadot, but he was also amazed with himself. He hadn’t had a stiff erection in at least a decade, and he was sure that, no matter what this beautiful goddess might want, he would not be able to provide it.
But he had that same worry in intimate situations when he was younger, and somehow had provided himself with an adequate erection when the occasion demanded it. So, as he had done when he was much younger, he waited silently and hoped. Sure enough, and to his complete amazement, the long-missing erection was developing!
Not only did Glen Lang get an erection, but he found himself perfectly capable as the Goddess slid beneath him on the top of his tiny bed. Before it was over, Glen had even begun to remember some small part of his old technique.
Afterward, he at last said said one of the awkward things that he had hoped he wouldn’t say, “I can’t believe I did that,” he gasped.
“It was good,” beamed the naked goddess.
“I haven’t been able to do that for years. Not for years and years,” Glen protested
“Well,” Gal Gadot said, “I may deserve some of the credit.”
“Certainly, certainly,” Glen said, and realized that it was perfectly true. How could any man not respond sexually to Wonder Woman or Gal Gadot?
He lay quietly, in fear that he might again say something out of place.
Finally, she broke the long silence, “You OK?”
“Better than that,” he smiled and turned on his side toward her. In fact, he was aware, he was beginning to feel just the slightest stirring around his penis again. “I think I’ve died and gone to Heaven.”
She smiled and snuggled close.
“I feel like I have died and gone to Heaven,” Glen repeated. No response.
“Have I?” he finally asked. “Did that truck hit my car? Have I died and gone to Heaven?”
“Yes,” softly reassured the beautiful goddess. “How do you like it so far?”
–Gene Lantz
I’m on KNON radio 89.3 FM in Dallas at 9 AM Central Time every Saturday. You can find podcasts under the “events” tab. If you are curious about what I really think, check out my personal web site
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